Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.