i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.