I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
17 Exes Admit Why They Were Crazy In Their Past Relationship
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
These 25 Teachers Said Horrible Things to Their Students
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji