I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT