We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.