we're blogging at a bar
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
