this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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