capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
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