her vagine was all disorganized.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
