Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize