no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Randomize
