we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
