Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Randomize
