She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
