Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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