Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
