Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Randomize
