I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
