What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
