a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
