I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
