we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Randomize
