shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
