I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
