like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
