I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
