we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
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