Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
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