I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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