the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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