a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
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