hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
bring money and cleavage
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
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