Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
