I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
