Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
