I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
