i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
