she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
