U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
