Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
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She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
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I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize