this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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