Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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