upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Randomize
