this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
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