I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
