the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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