i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
