ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
