My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
