I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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