I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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