just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
