"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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