i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize