first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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