just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
