i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Watching her eat just hurts me
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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