dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
