I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
