I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
