i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
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