To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
