Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
