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• (918): View more from Oklahoma

  So can I buy you a drink sometime?

  (206): View more from Washington

  Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.

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• (617): View more from Massachusetts

  Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads

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• (310): View more from California

  I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.

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• (613): View more from Ontario

  Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.

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• 

  Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (602): View more from Arizona

  If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!

  (623): View more from Arizona

  It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...

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• (420): View more from

  Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.

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• (913): View more from Kansas

  I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.

  (1-913): View more from Kansas

  You're my favorite person

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• (774): View more from Massachusetts

  I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  I think that would solve a million problems

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• (650): View more from California

  I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.

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• 

  21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (727): View more from Florida

  I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.

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• (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.

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• (716): View more from New York

  I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.

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• (305): View more from Florida

  Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?

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• (609): View more from New Jersey

  I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.

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• (770): View more from Georgia

  It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.

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