is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
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is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
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The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion