Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
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It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
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You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom