Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
