After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
whose parrot is this?
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.