Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(989): View more from Michigan

I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt

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(815): View more from Illinois

New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.

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(310): View more from California

Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs

(310): View more from California

Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?

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(484): View more from Pennsylvania

all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.

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23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
Read it at the TFLN blog
(716): View more from New York

Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor

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(847): View more from Illinois

Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.

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(978): View more from Massachusetts

If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.

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(847): View more from Illinois

It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.

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(630): View more from Illinois

Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?

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