Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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