is your mom at the bar?
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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