We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
