just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
do herpes really smell.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
