In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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