you're like a bully in the Christmas story
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
