so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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