Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Randomize
