i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
