She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
