dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
