you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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