We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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