Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
