Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Randomize
