The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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